To Thine Own Self Be True

This is a great quote from Hamlet!  My question is how can I be true to myself if I am unsure of who my true self is? I am not being glib or sarcastic.  I have been on a path of self-discovery if you will for about 6 years.    In this process I have divorced a sadistic abusive husband and have learned to stand up for myself and self-reliance that I was not aware of before.

I cannot even begin to describe who I am outside of several roles and core principles. I am a mom, a professional, a submissive, a friend, a daughter, and amateur erotica writer.  My core principles are compassion, respect and love for all people.

In this path of self-discovery I have been so very fortunate to have people around me supporting me.  Reuniting with my Dom has been the best thing ever!  I love and cherish him and how he challenges me.

There is a part of me who is a rebel that is begging to get out and have a little fun and cause a bit of havoc.  That is part of who I am as well, right.  If that person is part of who I am and deserves to be honored like the mom part the daughter part then how do I honor her and yet maintain everything I have built in these 40 plus years?

My answer get a small tattoo, did that several years ago.  I want to do others and get an additional piercing or two, currently just have my ears pierced once.   My fear is that in my extremely vanilla work and home life neither of these spaces will tolerate these well.  The one tattoo sure its fine, more than that it will be viewed very negatively.  So then my option is to get a piercing or a tattoo that is concealed in my everyday conservative attire.

So if I am supposed to be true to myself, which self is it that gets to win on a daily basis?!

I wear a necklace collar every day.  It is the most beautiful necklace I have ever seen or worn.  It calms me to wear it in public and have it with me at work.  Even when my attire does not fit the necklace I hook it to my bra so that is always on and Sir is with me wherever I am.

What do I want to do?  I want to be able to be presenting the topics I do in my public speaking wear a collar (regardless if its a ring or neck collar or even bracelet), have the tattoos I want and still be accepted for who I am as a thoughtful member of my professional community and NOT be labeled as a ‘freak’ which I have seen too many times for far fewer and milder things than what I am proposing.

If society wants everyone to be true themselves, they only mean that in their narrow vision of what they ascribe to be ‘healthy and normal’ wonder if healthy and normal visually looks different than what the stuffed shirts say it is?

So in summary:

  • I am beginning to understand who I am all parts of me.
  • Society and most people will say be true to yourself.
  • Yet if I do not conform I will be scorned and ridiculed.
  • Getting mixed messages here.

This is just a venting, thanks for reading.  Before I close, I have to thank Sir for helping me find my courage and his unending love and respect.  He is truly the only person who knows all sides of me and the journey I have been on.  He is the best.

One thought on “To Thine Own Self Be True

  1. Nicely said.

    The fundamental issue is that we, as a society, are still not ready to live up to our professed ideals: that we shouldn’t judge anyone by how they look but by their behavior (which, in the workplace, translates to the ability to get the job done).

    We will get there. The cynic in me was given hope by the events of this last week. It will neither easy nor fast–these are fundamental biases in the human nature. Step by step it will happen as we begin to see how people we already know as being good at what they do, we also learn are different than we thought in other areas of their lives.

    It will happen.


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